Dual....:-)
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize