you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
