walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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