don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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