now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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