i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
