last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
