he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
