Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
