I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
