i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
