I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
