my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
