Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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