Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
