omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
