oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
