gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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