ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
