Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
