we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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