Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
do herpes really smell.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
