Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
