I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
