Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
She made me pour olive oil on her.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
