sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
that is very illegal...i love you.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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