Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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