Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
