The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
