Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I need a beard to bite.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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