you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
