im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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