if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Is it penis luge time yet?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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