Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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