His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
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