So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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