My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
