when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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