Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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