Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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