What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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