that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
