so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
