I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
