Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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