i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
