why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
