We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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