Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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