why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
