The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
