I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
It's like God shit irony all over that family
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
