This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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