yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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