whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
