i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
