i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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