I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
