Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
