Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
