my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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