After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Randomize
