i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
