apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
