I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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