All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
