You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
