I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
