started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
