he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
