So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
