38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
