Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
