....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
