I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
