there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
