we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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