You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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