I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize