Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
