My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize