I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize