I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The adults are the big ones right?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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